So a few of you know but most of you don’t, that I lost my mom in August. She was an amazing woman and mother—as many of my friends growing up will attest. She was a substitute mom both for those who had solid mother figures and for those who didn’t.
For most of my life, she was vibrant and healthy, and I had a lot of years with her. In that way I was so fortunate. There were only a handful of days in the past two years that I didn’t talk to her on the phone or see her. She babysat my cat for me when I needed her to. She talked me out of bad ideas, and into good ones—a true sounding board. She was always there for me. Until she wasn’t.
It’s been almost exactly four months since she passed away. She beat the breast cancer, but brain cancer was what ended up taking her away from us. She did chemotherapy for the former, and it did a number on her, so she didn’t want to put her body through radiation for the latter. I haven’t let this out until now, except in brief snippets. This is the first blog-length piece of writing I’ve done on this topic. It is not on medical treatments, although I strongly recommend trying alternative therapies and medical marijuana, because I believe they can work. Also, diet is amazing and going on a fruit cleanse can be radically healing to the body. Exercising and detoxing are essential.
My focus today however is on living from the heart…with a heart wide open attitude towards life. If someone needs you, and you love them, then be there for them. Embrace them. Pay attention to what they say—not listening with half an ear unless that’s all you have. Listen with both ears and eyes and most importantly of all, heart, on them. They may not be around forever. Listening fully can help them on levels you may not even be aware of. Pay attention to their body language, their eye contact, or lack thereof. Drop the drama or the inner dialogue or the fear of sounding stupid from your consciousness. It serves no purpose. The only thing that matters is that you close your mouth and listen, FOR HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES. If the heart that speaks to you needs healing, you can do that with one word or gesture telling the person that you understand, that you feel them, and that you are there.
If there is anger, dissolve it. Talk it out or just let it go—whatever you have to do. No one needs angry thoughts or doubts lingering in their heart. Holding a grudge hurts everyone involved, because thoughts are things. Try to live in love and forgiveness. (This includes loving and forgiving YOURSELF, because before that, it’s hard to be truly good to someone else). Try sending a little love their way and see what happens. How does it feel differently? Do they seem to pick up on it? The next time they approach you, or are in your space, give them the undivided attention that they deserve.
My hope here is that this will put things in perspective for someone who perhaps needs it. The holidays, more than any other time, bring out the need to be present in the moment, but perhaps we can carry this into the year ahead as well.